The Daily Humorscope-Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A person wearing a bandana on his head and brandishing a cutlass will dash by you today, saying something that sounds a bit like "Arrrr."
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will give your lawyer a retainer today, which will only irritate her. She will patiently explain that that isn't the sort of retainer she'd meant.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today, someone named "Svlad" will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Good day to curl up with a good book. Later, you will build a fort out of your furniture and some sheets, and shoot rubber bands at people.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Chaos will ensue, when you are accidentally hit by a motorist, just as a bus full of lawyers specializing in insurance claims is passing by on the way to a conference. The bus will literally erupt into a heaving mass of clawing, screaming, and briefcase-bashing lunatics. Eventually they'll take out a class-action lawsuit against you.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
This is a time when you need to hold on to your dreams. Or in other words, reality is becoming too much for you, and you should try to escape into a bizarre fantasy life. Heck, it works fine for Ross Perot, doesn't it?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Do not snitch a jelly donut today, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
On a pre-arranged signal, you and 3 cohorts will start talking complete gibberish today, leaving the 5th person in your meeting entirely baffled. Act as if he's behaving strangely, and look concerned.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will become a digger. Dig, dig, dig. That's all you'll think of, for months. You will discover an amazingly large diamond, about 27 feet down, and will be fabulously rich after that. Not that you'll give me any credit, of course. Ingrate!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Despite having a brilliant mind and a lot of terrific friends, you find yourself stagnating in a quiet backwater, with financial success nowhere in sight. You will go into business for yourself, however, making frozen Piroshki based on your grandmother's recipe, and will become rich and famous. Your grandmother will thwap you with her umbrella.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!".
Love & Hugs,
AngelBear7042
